Animals with Human Names....

Evening World.

After a manic week, I've been entertaining/distracting myself with a subject that anyone who knows me will know is close to my heart.

Animals - with human names.

I don't know quite where this came from. But I did have a cat called Geoff (named after the Eddie Izzard sketch about the creator of the Pentagon security system: Geoff Geoff Geoffty Geoff, and possibly the beardy bloke from Byker Grove) and it was the perfect name for him.

We chose him because we wanted, I quote, "the spackiest looking kitten in the litter" - he promptly forward rolled out from behind a filing cabinet, being half Burmese he had massive ears and long legs inherited from his mum; and stripy legs from his random tabby cat dad. So he looked a bit out of proportion and stupid.

We'd been considering calling him Harold, since we were still in our studenty "I love Neighbours like it's real" phase. But he wasn't a Harold. He was a Geoff. AND, spelled the English way. Not Jeff, ok America?

He now lives with The Baker in Cambridge and is growing old disgracefully into his excellent name. (His street name is G-Unit like the rapper. Or Fancy Pants because of his reminiscent-of-70s-trousers-legs)

My next animal will be adorned with a human name. But the thing is, it has to be either really normal, really posh, or kind of... well.. chavvy. Tell me a gorgeous Oriental kitten named Wayne is not amusing?

What I really want - is a MASSIVE horse (was thinking ex police horse since they are bombproof, but chances are their legs are shot from all the road work too, so possibly a big Hunter or Dutch Warm Blood) and I want to call it - Dave. Or... Martin.

I cannot bear animals named Snowy or Fluffy or anything trite. Give it a human name, it's much more entertaining and unpredictable.

How about.... a duck called Tarquin?

A puppy called Janice?

Any suggestions welcome.

Good job I am not a cat lady yet, or the Vets' records would be very entertaining. (Or provoking an anonymous call to the local mental hospital from Veterinary reception)

"Hi there Miss Tea Queen, it appears that your kittens Norman, Carlos, Kevin and Bianca are due their vaccination?"

And before you judge me, I genuinely have a friend who's had rabbits named Tim and Gary, and another with a cat called Horris.

So it's not just me. Honest.