Ok, I concede, it's Christmas

I'm not the most Christmassy person, I admit. Some friends are beyond excited from October onwards and cannot wait to crack out the mince pies and get 'Best Xmas Songs EVER Vol. 17' on loop. I on the other hand, resent having Christmas shoved down my throat as soon as August is over and I firmly believe that Christmas music in shops can legally be cited in court as provocation for GBH. Even murder, if it's Slade more than once in the space of fifteen minutes.

I realise the above makes me sound like Scrooge. Don't get me wrong. I love the idea of Christmas - indulgent and cosy, the time of twinkly decorations, golden and red and green, sumptuous food and endless drinks. I just don't like being sick of it by December. I also feel a sense of anxious stress every time I see the TV adverts showing the perfect Christmas; that the presents I give will be crap and I'm not spending enough money on decorations, and that we're not like the smiling families on tv.

However, now it's December, I am starting to feel a little Christmassy. Thinking about what to get my niece and nephews (ie something I can legitimately play with on Christmas day) and the rest of the family (steady on, I'm not organised enough to have actually bought presents already - I'm not Anthea Turner). Everyone at work is looking forward to the festive break and I actually can't wait to book my ticket to spend the week at home with the new dog, see my parents and hopefully getting drunk on too much wine with my sisters.

I just watched Nigella's Christmas on BBC2, in my toasty lounge, with the fairy lights switched on. I feel officially festive. Whilst debating her hotness with a male friend (we both concurred she totally is, it's a combination of being a great cook, loving her food, being a bit posh and all the cheeky innuendo) I suddenly found myself wanting mini mince pies and her festive tagine for lunch. With a Lychini. Charles Saatchi is a very lucky man. I think women like Nigella because she looks like a woman. A 1950s, hourglass, curvy woman. Anyway, her house is also delightfully festive with its chic ambience, and the set pieces with her glamorous friends tucking into mounds of food in a soft-focus frame just make you feel like it's ok to go and get merry at lunch next to a Christmas tree.

Since I'm suffering from a seasonal cold, I'll make do with a hot toddy and some toast in my dressing gown. Today is a lazy day. No'rn Ir'on just bravely left the flat to go and do some shopping on Oxford Street.

Me: "Are you sure? Do you NEED to go to Oxford St?"
NI: "I need to go to the Apple store."
Me: "Don't hurt anyone."
NI: ".....I cannot guarantee that. Byeeee."

I expect a call from the Met. Police in approximately three hours, asking me to come up and pick up the irate Belfast girl who told a small child to "fuck off" in the Disney Store while brandishing a giant handbag as weapon.